


Reflection

by ObscuredTempest



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Identity Issues, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 11:18:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2189673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObscuredTempest/pseuds/ObscuredTempest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sort of an inward-focused mess of words from Epsilon's general perspective about himself, his nature, and the way the others see him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> Never written anything for RvB, but this happened when I was discussing headcanons for Agent Washington with someone, further affirming Epsilon's status as an asshole.

"You're not the Alpha."

He'd heard it a few times, felt Omega start pushing, heard Delta point out that no, none of them are the Alpha, had to hold Theta's hand to keep the kid from being too uneasy.

"You're not Church!"

That's the one that gets him. Every fucking time, that's the one that makes him reel, the one where he can _feel_ Omega trying to slink in and push his way to the front and he'd be so tempted to let him if he wasn't _better_ than that. He knows he isn't! He knows he's not the exact person they've followed, they've been friends with, but he's _part of him_! Doesn't that count for _anything_? He _is_ Church's memory! Actually, no! No, he _is_ Church! The same as Delta and Theta and Omega and everyone else! They're just the _rest_ of him, broken into pieces so they aren't whole, but they're still...

They're still...

It's frustrating. It's frustrating and it _hurts_ when they say that (never admit it, never gonna), but he knows why they do. So he just toughens up, is the guy they expect him to be with the sharp tongue and the devil-may-care and the attitude problem. He's never told Carolina and he never will. She knows well enough, anyway, probably. She's perceptive. Even if it's all in less than the blink of an eye to her, he's sure she feels that little shift in balance. 

Maybe he really isn't Church. 

He knows more, he knows _better_ than "Church" did. After all, they all knew better than the Director. But he's still a literal fragment of him, still a piece of "Church" that lives on. 

So who are they? They aren't really independent of him, but they aren't dependent. As far as entities go, they _are_ separate. It's like split personality disorder, he thinks, or whatever the fuck it's called. They're not really the same person, but they manifest parts of that person. He just happened to fucking blow up in someone's head, too.

Wash ain't getting an apology for it, either. Not his fault. 

It's at the point where he doesn't know if he's really faking the acid. Is he? Or has it just wedged in him from trying to fight off the problems that come with being a fragment? He isn't just... just a mentality, like Omega or Delta. He has everything because he's _memory_. He remembers how feelings work, how mentalities work, how _everything works as a living, whole person_. 

It's like telling him he isn't Church means he doesn't _exist_.

_That_ pisses him off. But Omega stays checked and Theta hides and Delta tries to rationalise it. 

Fuck 'em, Epsilon thinks. Just fuck 'em. He cares about them the way Church did, but save for Caboose? No one gives a damn about him. 

He'll be an asshole, not just because they expect him to be one because Church was an ass. He'll be an asshole because they can't get their peabrains around anything. 

...it doesn't matter if he gets why they think the way they do. They don't get him. They probably never will. 

He should just... give up. Stop hoping, stop making the effort. 

Fuck 'em.


End file.
